I enjoy rainy, Sunday afternoons, and in all the time that John and I have been dating, I've woken up absolutely thrilled when I see it raining outside. I think its good time to spend just relaxing, under a snuggly blanket, doing absolutely nothing in particular but spending time together. So today, thats what we did. We slept in, woke up to rain, and spent the day in our pajamas. I looked at cruise details, because yes! we booked a short 3 night cruise for our 1st anniversary, and we are so excited. It is John's first cruise, and he's like a little kid asking all sorts of questions, which makes me happy to see him excited.
Tonight, I started looking at houses, why I don't know, other than that I enjoy looking at real estate. When the thought occured to me, 'Well Katie, how bout you spend time looking for a job for John first.' You know, do things in logical order. We are coming up on a year of John's unemployment (March). And lets be honest, neither one of us ever thought we'd see 2010 and still be living off of one salary. It has been a blessing, and the source of discouragment for both of us. So I started searching....and within about 30 minutes I was discouraged. I'm not sure anyone really realizes how bad the job market and economy are right now, until you're the one looking for the jobs. My heart absolutely breaks for my sweet husband that he spends time daily/weekly online looking for jobs, when in just 30 minutes I was down in the dumps. Imagine what he goes through each time he begins job hunting. No, it is not ideal. No, we don't have the money we wish we did to afford the things we'd hoped for ourselves in life.
But yes...we have enough. We have enough to eat 3 meals a day, have a puppy, and have a house with an EXTRA bedroom. (so technically, more room than we need). We have hot water, heat, a cute fireplace, two cars, and clothing. We have coats in this cold weather, and shoes for our feet. So what is it that I'm wishing for? Why is it, that we feel the necessity to have anything more than what we have? Why are we not satisfied?
While on one hand I find myself having a pity party, and wishing for a larger home, one day a new car, and hopefully the ability to go back to school....right now, I have enough. Which is so much more than some.
Which brings me to Haiti, I consider all this, and then I feel so very selfish and shallow. The people of the Haitian nation are devestated. They have LESS than so many of those we consider 'poor' in America. They have no means of clean water, no cars, no food. They are searching for family members, searching for healthcare, or praying for rescue. I read an article the other day about how they are having to control the masses at the hospital in Port-au-Prince because the medical teams there cannot handle all of the injuries that are flooding in. It talked about a lady who's leg was broken from the destruction and anesthesia was not an option, can we say pain...unimaginable pain. Not only does my heart ache for the people injured, but it aches for those making the trip there to lend a hand- I'm not sure anyone of them know what they're heading into- and yet they go anyways. After all this, after all the devestation happening in the poorest nation in the Southern Hemisphere...remind me again, why is it that I feel the need for anything more than what I have? The Lord is my provision. Why would I want anything else than what He provides. I know, and I believe, that He gives me exactly what I need, no sooner than the time that I need it...and in His own time He will provide. In His own time John will find another job. We must simply wait on the Lord (seems to be yet again something He's trying to teach me...)
When I think about all of this....I realize that it suddenly puts everything into perspective and I pray that I find contentment in what the Lord gives me each day, and know that it is all blessings, never forgetting those less fortunate than I am. Its all about perspective. And doesn't He always find a way of putting it back into perspective for us...
Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty!
At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
2nd Corinthians 7-10
Relying on God has to start all over everyday, as if nothing has yet been done. -CS Lewis