Monday, September 27, 2010

Well the truth of the matter is that in roughly six months, I will be in Kolkata, India. I won't lie, I don't think it has truly sunken in the magnitude of the trip I'm about to take. I haven't taken time to just let it wash over me and let the Lord prepare me for this- as bad as that sounds. I've been so distracted by other things around me and my own concerns and life issues that I've neglected the way the Lord will be working in me over the next 6 months.

Sadly, the one thing I HAVE focused on is the financial aspect of this experience. I'm terrifed of the money this will take. I'm terrified that I won't have it, that John and I cannot afford it, or that because of it we are taking a chunk out of our paycheck that we cannot afford to. In my heart I'm perfectly aware that my God that has called me to GO, will be the same precious God that will be my PROVISION.

So let me get down to the heart of the matter- my fears of going to India, that are completely overtaking the excitement.
1. I'm terrified of the money obviously- 2500 dollars is a MASSIVE amount of money to a newly married couple that is trying as hard as we can to be smart with our money and invest and save to hopefully own a home one day.
2. Traveling- it is by far the farthest I've traveled. a full day of traveling, a 12 hr flight- I'm not sure if I can handle it. I've been to Paris/London when I was in middle school and vaguely remember how an 8 hr flight was torture....well...Paris is JUST MY LAYOVER!
3. Getting someone to switch weekends at work with me so that I can go....
4. Language barriers- when I was in high school, I traveled to Mexico several times and was fearless- I would speak my broken spanish like I knew exactly what I was saying and doing. Now, I find that my hispanic patients make me frustrated and I cannot communicate with them at all despite the FEW words I still remember. How will I manage in a country that I don't know a single word of their language?
5. Leaving John for 10 days with no phone contact...that thought terrifies me, will I be homesick? Will we be okay? Only the Lord will give us the strength to get thru those 10 days apart....
6. Health Saftey- will I get sick from the food...and be miserable the whole time.
7. General Saftey- is the country safe? will we be protected?

Thats just off the top of my head....and the more I think on them the more I realize how silly they are. My God is in perfect control and is working in every detail of this trip...why would I worry??

The word of the Lord came to me, saying, " Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." "
Ah, Sovereign Lord, I said, I do not know how to speak, I am only a child.
But the Lord said to me, "Do not say I am only a child, you must go to veryone I send to you and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you, " declares the Lord. - Jeremiah 1: 4-7
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in my weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
Hebrews 11:40- God had planned something better for us, so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

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