I dreaded this week. Since the day my little pumpkin was born I absolutely dreaded it.
My last week of maternity leave.
I have already shed a lot of tears about leaving Landon, even though I know it will be okay. Plenty of moms return to work. Plenty of moms manage working and caring for their baby.
I know that it is GOOD for me to go to work, it is GOOD for me to have adult interaction, and something to call my own. It is GOOD for Landon to be away from me, to learn to be soothed by other people, and to be around other children. The lady that will be keeping him is great, and he will be there with only two other kids.
You know there is a lot of research that babies who are around kids older than them develop language skills and other motor skills faster since they try to mimic the kids they are with. So this could be a great thing for Landon to learn conversation skills, and learn to interact with others. That is so good for him.
But it still kills my heart to think that my days won’t be spent snuggling him as he naps, playing with him and getting him to smile, and wiping away tears. I don’t want to miss anything.
Its always that dreaded stay at home mom versus working mom dilemma.
I’m not sure you can ever be completely content with either. Would I be completely happy being a stay at home mom? No, I’m not sure I would…
Will I be completely happy working full time? No. I know I won’t.
One of my aunt’s told me that this is one of the indescribably difficult things you have to decide on as a mom and do as a mom, simply because you love your baby so deeply.
That pretty much sums it up.
Having a child is having your heart live on the outside of your body.
Every emotion my heart could ever feel is wrapped up in that little 11 pound body.
It is so overwhelming at times, I’m not sure I knew my heart was capable of this kind of love.
And I am so blessed, that God chose me to experience motherhood, and to have this glimpse of His love for His own children.
I am His child. His heart aches for me and the pain I will feel in the next week or so as I go back to work. And He is holding me closer, comforting me, and loving me like I am the baby in the relationship. Reminding me that He is in perfect control and is protecting my heart.
This week, I’m reserving for Landon. I’m soaking in all the snuggles and smiles that I possibly can, and preparing myself for Monday morning.
So say a prayer! I’m going to need all of them that I can get!
How do 12 weeks go by that fast?!