I am a nurse. More specifically, I am an oncology nurse. I deal with cancer on a daily basis. I deal with this nasty disease, for which there is no cure. I have held more hands in the face of bad news, eased more worries and fears, and been in with families as they deal with some of the worse days of their lives.
But here’s the thing. All those tough situations? All those serious, life or death, really scary situations? I wouldn’t give them up for anything. I can assure you I am no “adrenaline junkie” that loves the thrill of a serious situation. I don’t enjoy hearing “code blue” or transferring someone to the ICU. In fact, I traded my 12 hour shift inpatient job, for an 8-5 clinic position not too long ago. I wouldn’t trade those moments because they changed me forever. They changed me as a person, as a nurse, and whether I was aware of it or not, they changed me as a mommy.
Those moments taught me that life is far too precious and it certainly isn’t promised. That one day you can be happy and healthy, and the next you can find out that you have months to live. We have no say in our days here. And as a mommy- that is the most scary, most life altering realization I could have.
I find myself more patient, more carefree, more relaxed.
Because it really doesn’t matter if Landon is soaking wet and covered in sand. Or if he ate strawberries and his once blue shirt is now more resembles purple tie-dye. It doesn’t matter we play outside until 9pm and he goes to bed a little later than usual.
No, none of that matters.
Because those are sweet minutes with him that I will never get back. I want every ounce, every second of that little boy that I can squeeze out of him. I want sticky kisses, and messy meals. I want ice cream faces and bubble baths with mohawks . I want sleepy eyes, and wild blonde bed head. I want to watch for airplanes and wave “bye bye” when they fly over. I want it all. Because tomorrow it could be gone.