I’ve been meaning to sit down and write up this 20 month post for a while, and its quickly turning into 21 months. It seems like lately, you are changing so fast and learning new things each day, and I can’t quite keep up with it all. Call it writers block, or call it just plain busy. Whatever the reason, I haven’t been able to make myself write yet. To be honest, I think sometimes I can’t find the words to adequately express the emotions my heart experiences on this rollercoaster of motherhood. You, sweet boy, are the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I don’t want this time to go by without some sort of documentation, so I’m going to do my best to describe you at age twenty (ish) months.
I’m pretty sure the biggest word that comes to mind when I think about you is independent. Fiercely independent. You are a little man on a mission, and often push my hand away if I’m trying to help you, or insist you do things your way. You have made it clear that you can climb steps (up and down) all by yourself and do not need to hold my hand. You have refused to drink out of a cup with a lid, proving that you are a big boy and can drink out of a real cup with no sippy lid or straw. And to cut your food into little bites for you? Forget it, you are a big boy and will pick it up and bite it like the rest of us. You do things your way, that’s for sure, and are sure to let us know. While it makes me so so proud to watch you do things on your own, it also adds to our share of battles. Lord help me when you are a teenager, I’m sure I’ll be gray headed and haggard looking from sleepless nights thanks to you.
You are such a silly boy. You LOVE to play, and giggle, and be tickled, and play chase. One of my favorite things right now? When something is yucky, you say “eeeee” and make the worst face in the world. We have no idea where you learned it, but it makes us laugh every. single. time. You love being outside, you love swimming, and you love your play kitchen and cooking. Last week I caught you pouring a cup of water into your pot on the stove, “turning it on” and telling me that it was hot as you stirred. Maybe you’ll be a chef one day?
You are curious, and serious, you study and take it all in. Which I’ve been told is much how I was at your age. Your vocabulary is coming along slowly but surely, but you won’t talk or say a word until you are good and ready. Everything is in your time. Maybe this is God’s way of inadvertently continuing to teach me that life does not operate on my own timeline. I’m pretty sure its a battle I’ve been learning since I was in my teens, him trying to teach this heart of mine to be patient. And you? You are part of that same plan of His, I have no doubt. You would think I would have learned by now, but apparently this will be a lifelong journey of learning patience.
You give me a run for my money, you test my patience, and everyday I am learning how to be a better mommy for you. (For instance, as I type this you we are trying to explain to you why you can’t play outside at 9pm at night). But sometimes in the most frustrating of moments, when I can’t possibly hear you fuss one more second, or flail your arms or stop your feet, you surprise me in the biggest of ways and walk up and plant the biggest, sweetest kiss on my cheek. I think in the past couple weeks we have finally entered into the “parenting stage” of this whole thing. Up until now you’ve been easy, as long as you were fed, changed, and sleeping you did great. But now that you are a toddler, you require discipline, guidance, and a little more than just hugs and kisses from mommy. Its as much a learning process for myself as it is for you, and I have no doubt we are just getting started.
No matter what we go through, or how many tantrums you throw, just know that I love you. And nothing will change that.