Sunday, April 6, 2014

mama’s boy

Yesterday I left work and headed to our sitter’s house to pick up Landon like I usually do. We normally stand and chat for a few minutes about how Landon’s day was and have a few minutes of small talk before we head home for the evening. There are normally silly stories of things he did or said, sweet gestures he makes, mentions of how well he ate lunch that day or how well he napped, and of course what he did at preschool if its a preschool morning. Yesterday was no different. I got there and Landon greeted me at the door, a true sign that he had a good day and a good nap. He excitedly got his lunch box and backpack from the kitchen table, didn’t fuss over wearing his coat and headed to the door ready to go home. Our sitter surprised me though. She told me something that I really wasn’t prepared for, and never expected to hear out of my independent, content child. Apparently sometime through the morning, Landon stopped what he was doing, looked up at her and uttered three words that I haven’t heard my child say before… “I want mommy.”

I know it’s nothing life changing or profound. But it is the first time Landon has ever said those words. I’m sure he misses us when we are apart, but he is normally easy going and happy wherever he is and hasn’t really struggled with separation issues. Those words hung in my mind the entire drive home. He wanted me. He missed me. He consciously thought about me during his day. Part of my heart was panged with a sadness that I couldn’t be there with him, but the other part of my heart soared knowing that yes in fact, my child DID love and miss me. Isn’t that every mother’s deepest desire, to know the her children love her and she is wanted? There is something deep within us that needs to know that our child shares even a fraction of the love that we have for them.

When we found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t wait to have that sweet baby to hold and snuggle and grow so incredibly close with. I couldn’t wait to smell that newborn smell or count those precious ten toes and fingers over and over and over. When I found out we were having a boy, my heart was overjoyed. I have always wanted to be a boy mama. I have wanted to raise a little boy, play catch and cars, wipe skinned knees, or shuttle him to ball practice. I knew that I would have stiff competition though. You see, John was meant to be a daddy to a little boy. I think he was even more excited than I was and looked forward to sharing his love of fishing and hunting and “man things” with a little sidekick. I have no doubt that even if we had a daughter he would share the same things, however something about the father-son relationship thrilled him. Over the past year or so, Landon has developed a deep affection for his daddy. There are many nights when Daddy is the only one who can comfort tears or make the coolest train track. Daddy plays cars and roughhouses in the living room floor at night. Daddy drives a truck, which is the coolest thing ever to a little boy. In Landon’s eyes, his Daddy hung the moon.

It’s no secret that Landon and his daddy have formed a pretty tight bond. Especially when I was working weekends and it was just the two of them those days. So last November when I moved my new job I couldn’t wait for the time with Landon. Now, I get the morning time to eat breakfast, sneak a few snuggles and drive him to preschool or the sitter’s house. And in the afternoon’s I get to pick him up and we hang out together until daddy gets home from work. He helps me grocery shop and is frequently in the kitchen with me while I cook supper each evening. I’ve come to cherish the time we have just the two of us. I enjoy grocery shopping with him, I enjoy his help in the kitchen, and I really enjoy our conversations now that he is able to talk more. Slowly but surely, Landon and I have formed our own special relationship.

A few weeks ago we were laying on the couch one night and I asked Landon if he wanted to snuggle with mommy before bedtime, and he surprisingly said yes. I, of course, jumped at the chance to snuggle my growing, ever independent two year old. What started on a whim has turned into an almost nightly ritual. Several nights a week we ask Landon if he’s ready for bed and he replies with a nod and asks “S-uggle momm-ee?” My heart melts of course. I will never turn down the opportunity to sneak a few snuggles with this boy. I am all too aware that those snuggling evenings are numbered and it won’t be long before he is too cool to snuggle his mom or even acknowledge my presence.

Without even trying, and before I even realized it, Landon has turned into a bit of a mama’s boy. Who knows, it could just be a phase and next week he’ll want nothing to do with me, but for now I’m savoring it. Hanging on to every ounce of his love and knowing that God gave me this precious gift to love and nurture and it is the greatest blessing of my life.

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