I had every intention of posting this a week or so ago, and it just didn't happen. I guess that speaks volumes to life with two babies at this point.
We are one month into our life with our two little ones in our home and on this fourth week I finally feel like I'm somewhat hitting my stride and feeling like I'm getting back into the groove of life in general. The first two-ish weeks were hard, newborns aren't easy. An energetic four year old isn't easy. I think the hardest part of having two kids or any number of kids for that matter- is that constant being needed. Finding a balance of tending to their needs and being there for them, while still managing to take care of yourself and find a few moments of peace in the day without a baby crying or a four year old whining- thats the hard part.
So far, my two maternity leaves are polar opposites. With Landon, I felt like I had no energy what so every and I think all we did was nurse and nap those first six weeks he was here. I took that whole "sleep when baby sleeps" thing to heart, and thats exactly what we did. My energy level was in the gutter and I couldn't ever seem to get myself together. I even remember going into my OB's office and telling her there just HAD to be something wrong with me because of the level of fatigue I was experiencing. They drew labs and my diagnosis...well...my diagnosis was that I was a new mom, and my body just wasn't used to sleeping in intervals and still maintaining life when the sun came up.
Maybe its that my body is finally used to the fact that sleeping through the night isn't going to happen until my kids go to college and finally move out of the house. Maybe its that I'm taking better care of myself this go round. I'm not sure what to credit it to, but this time my energy level is pretty much normal. I still have days that I'm more tired than usual, and my body is definitely still healing from the damage of birthing a child, but I feel pretty good for the most part. I've also committed to finding a semi- routine for myself. We still fly by the seat of our pants for the most part, but I've started showering at night to avoid the chaos of showering with two kids awake in the morning. I wake up, start the coffee, vacuum the floors, make the bed, and feel like I'm ready to start my day with a clean slate, and semi-clean house. Vacuuming might sound crazy to you- but we have hardwoods and a dog- so I vacuum every day, and starting my day with clean floors makes my stress level much lower. :)
Two mornings a week we get out to take Landon to preschool and then go pick him up around lunchtime, so I enjoy my morning just snuggling my little girl and soaking in just her for a few minutes. I have definitely felt the struggle to find balance between trucking on with life and making myself stop and truly savor these moments with her. It truly goes by so stinking fast (case and point- she's a month old this week). I don't want to forget these days with her, even thought they're hard and tiring- they are so precious. Sometimes all I need to do is stop and hold her as she sleeps and breath in that sweet baby smell and savor the moment.
With Landon, I'm trying to make time for just him- we bake, or play with puzzles, or just snuggle on the couch. I love that he loves to snuggle. At night when he gets sleepy it is not uncommon at all for him to ask to come curl up next to you under a blanket and I couldn't love it more. Do you think he'll still snuggle me when he's older? We can hope!
Life with two is hard, and messy, and tiring but my life is infinitely sweeter because of these two babies of mine. There are tears and there are giggles. There are moments where my patience has been pushed to the max and I find myself singing "I need Thee every hour" over and over and over again. But then there are those most beautiful moments where I see a tangible image of the love my Father has for me. That His grace knows no boundaries, that His mercies truly are new each morning. And I am so incredibly thankful that he picked me to be their mama.